Recovery

I feel a bit better physically, it might've been a good call for me to call in sick for work. Just been extra nervous about everything in turn. Why am I like this...?

At least I got a lot of productive stuff done, such as finishing up my apprenticeship interview videos (what a catastrophe!!!!!), showering, cleaning my cats' litter boxes, etc. I wish I had something fun to do outside again but I can't manage to socialize without upsetting myself and/or others.

I also realized I am not a good person. Me and my mom have been "at war with each other" for an eternity really, but it's feeling increasingly one-sided for me. The guilt is eating away at me but something rotten inside of me just compels me to continue my cruelty. What is going on?!?!?