Crazyballs

It's-a-me, Lewis! Here I go with a very normal blog post...

Honestly, I'm just here to complain.

These past (many) months have been tough! Super duper tough!
I really thought I might get a break from life if I had some sick time off work and agreed to partially stay at the mental hospital... Not sure why it upset me so much that my former boss wanted me to quit myself instead of just firing me. I don't really understand what the point of that was. I mean, I know why I had to be terminated; my spot had to be "refilled" as I wasn't going to return to work anytime soon (seriously fuck the whole organization anyway) but she could've just fired me. I wasn't eligible for unemployment support anyway, as I haven't worked 12 months in total in a "full" job like that before... But me quitting would have taken the priority and I was much more likely to not be eligible at all anymore. What a weird welfare system anyway.

Anyhow, I'm back at the very same job but under somewhat different management.
I have been very anxious to get my pay for August. I'm trying to not hope for the "promised" (contractually obligated) bonuses (night shifts and doing well at sales) because I know I will get way too upset if I don't get a higher amount of money than the shitty base pay, haha...
There is so much to figure out in the financial department (of our household) and it sucks BADLY! My mom might finally have a part-time job now but from what I'm hearing is that they are also bullying her or something? I can't tell what my mom is doing "wrong" if this keeps happening at every job she takes. Is she just sensitive or misinterpreting or what's going on here???? This lady does nothing but yell at me and bother me whenever we're home at the same time. Sick and tired of her. We also have to somehow manage her whole arthritis thing because the treatment costs an arm and a leg. We don't have any limbs...

What makes me angry lately is that everybody is so PERSISTENT about TRYING to help or at least THINKING about my situation if they can't/won't (re)act. I feel guilty for existing like this!!! I haven't been a good friend in a long time and there are still people who remember that I could be around. I shouldn't be. It's so wrong of me to still be here.